The journey from No to Yes

I didn’t want to, to leave the cool interior on this muggy day; to climb into a muggy old car with no A/C to swim in the late-May Long Island sound.  I definitely didn’t want to go alone; no friend or co-swimmer or cheerleader.  What if I just went out on my deck and just brought the bathing suit in?  What if I just put it on?  What if I just got into my car and drove to the beach, that’s all?  What if I just walked into the water, freezing, freezing!  I swore a whispering curse, looking at the children playing and staying on the beach because the water was too cold and choppy with wild evening breezes.  Two lone swimmers; triathlon women were finishing up their strokes.  One pointed out the one mile distance – I nodded – scary – eventually? Do-able.  What if I just dunked my head – oh!  Maybe just one or two strokes – that’s it.  I managed to do about a quarter mile with many breaks, back strokes, panting; easier going in the tidal pull down the beach – rough going, with a strong wind, current holding me back on the return.  Now, how did I feel?  How would I have felt if I hadn’t gone?